Zozzilocks
One day while speaking with the renowned ranger Phaid (who was also very devil-may-care) he learned of the plight of three warriors who could use some help, or so he was told.
"Yes they're always babbling on how fierce they are and how glorious is the battle and blood." said Phaid. "Like most warriors though, they're a little slow, if you know what I mean, and have a tendancy to amass great wounds in their battle frenzies. I was hoping you'd do me a favour and help them out for a bit Padre."
Zoss nodded sagely, "Ahh, indeed. I'll be happy to help, after all it is my calling and we Elokians must aid those who battle the denizens of the land in any way we can."
Phaid smiled his appreciation, "You can find their cabin in the woods. If they're not home, it shouldn't be a problem to go in and wait." "Very well, I'll be off at once." the priest said. "Take care good ranger." They clasped wrists and departed, each going his way.
"Bah! What is this slop?" snarled Uther "I almost burned my tounge it's so bloody hot." "Hot?" laughed Lander "mine's so cold a lizardman couldn't eat it without risking death!" The big lizardman warrior turned and growled "Shut yer yaps, you stupid orcs, you'll eat what ya get and like it." The two orc's muttered oaths to various dark gods and made obscene gestures behind Elrik's back. "I keep telling you to get Apocalypse to bring one of his wenches by to start cooking for us and cleaning up this sty" Lander complained. "Aye, now that would be handy, maybe even get em' to polish our armor too." Elrik said. "You mean polish our longswords!" Uther said with a wink and a grin . The warriors laughed loudly at the crude jest. "Aye, there's the rub!" added Lander, redoubling the laughter.
When they had quited down a bit Elrik spoke first "I'm bored, I certainly don't have an appetite for this swill right now. What should we do?" "Why not what we always do? Kill things!" Uther exclaimed. "We three are the greatest warriors in the land. What can possibly stop us, with our steel combined?"
The other two warriors grinned they're agreement. The lusty thoughts of battle and bloodshed foremost in their minds, they equipped themselves quickly and went forth to wreak the havoc of the warrior's three upon an unsuspecting world.
Zoss had spent several hours lost in the woods before chancing upon the warrior's home. "Finally, about Gruddamn time too! Only mindless brutes would choose to live in such an inhospitable place." mumbled Zoss. The cabin was impressive though, made from rather large oak tree's with the wood treated so as not to become a fire trap, should a fire occur. He approached the front door and hammered loudly on it. There was no response. He tried opening the door, but it was locked, so he proceeded around back and found the rear door wide open.
Zoss shook his head in amusement, "A veritable fortress, and they forget to lock the back door." He stuck his head inside and called out "Hello? Anyone home? It's Sir Zoss. I was told you may need some help." There was no response, so the priest stepped inside and closed the door behind him.
The first thing he saw was a table set out with something that may have resembled stew set out in three large bowls. There were also three large flagons set out upon the table as well. "Yuck" he muttered as he sniffed the contents of one bowl. "How in Elok's name can anyone survive if they have to eat that stuff. I'll wager the prisoners in Baron Rowan's dungeon eat better fare." He than took up one of the flagons and gave it a tentative sniff, "Ahh mead, now that's something I could use after my trek. I've certainly build up a thirst, and I don't think they'd mind." He took a sip from the first flagon and shuddered "My, this mead is too sweet." He set it down and grabbed another, "Ugghh, my but this one is rather bitter." Zoss finally took up the last one, and apprehensively put the jar to his lips. He smiled in satisfaction, "Ahhh, this one is just right."
So he sat down and pulled out his pipe to accompany the fine beverage and brought a tome out of his satchel that he was studying and got thourghly comfortable. Not to long had passed when he finished the mead and said to himself "I'm still thirsty, I suppose I could stomach that bitter mead." So he proceeded to down that flagon as well. By the time he finished the second jar, he was rather lightheaded but thought "I might as well finish the last one too." He quickly polished off the last of the mead and by this time was somewhat inebriated and a little bored, so he decided to explore the rest of the house.
He browsed through the various rooms finding nothing of interest, and decided to move upstairs and see if there was anything of note. Zoss's mouth dropped as he beheld the fine armor and weapons that were hung with care about the room. The whole top floor seemed to be their armory, with practice dummies to practice on, pegs cradling the weapons to the walls, and mannequins upon which rested many types of armor. "Now thass pretty impressive." he slurred. "I wonder why they won't let us use swordsss and stuff in the clergy? I think we'd be pretty Gruddamn good with em'." He lurched off to one corner where a shining silver claymore rested "I mean after all, a weapon is a weapon. Am I right?" he asked adressing one of the practice dummies. "Oh sure...we can bash their skulls in with a mace or something, thass ok...but no edged weapons." he growled. He took hold of the weapon and made a few practice swings with it. "Hey this ish easy, I could use one of these no problem." He whirled around with his arms extended and came to an abrupt halt as the claymore sliced into a suit of field plate armor on a mannaquin behind him. He examined the large rent in the armor, "Woops" he said. "I think I better put this away. Boy that mead can really do a number on you if you're not careful."
He closed his eye's hard for a moment hoping the room would stop spinning, (something people only do when they're drunk and of course it only makes it worse), he stumbled backwards tripping over a pedestal upon which a finely wrought steel battlehelm sat, and sent it hurtling into the wall. He continued on following the helm and bounced off the wall and collapsed in a heap next to the battlehelm. He eyed the helm beside him with a sigh of relief, as he saw it was unblemished.
At that moment he heard the rather ominous sound one hears when a particularly heavy object that's supported rather precariously by something that really isn't meant to hold it's weight occurs. He glanced up and saw a huge maul slipping from it's brackets and about to come hurtling down and crush his skull. Instinctively he whipped the claymore up over his head to use as a shield, and grimaced expecting the pain to come. The giant steel head of the maul came down snapping the tip of the claymore off, the force of the blow was tremendous and the claymore flew from the priest's hands and sailed across the room landing with a crash amongst a crate full of speed and full healing vials. The maul having it's trajectory altered slightly missed the priest and came crashing down upon the battlehelm flattening it into what easily be construed as a frying pan. Zoss reluctantly opened his eye's and took in the whole of the devastation, "Woops." he said with a sheepish grin. "Perhaps I best take my leave now while I'm still able and return another day."
"Hurry!" Lander yelled. "I think we can beat them back to the cabin, we'll be safe there." Elrik and Uther needed no urging, as they looked back too see several serpent wizards and magicians coming after them. The warriors were all bleeding and battered rather badly, and ran as fast they could, knowing sanctuary was not far off. "Ha! We made it!" Elrik screamed as their cabin came into sight. "Quickly, to the armory for some heal and haste vials. Our best weapons and armor as well! This shall be a battle to remember!" Uther yelled.
They all stumbled through the back door, closing and barring it as fast as they could. They staggered over to the table to catch their breath and Lander grabbed his flagon to quench his thirst. "Hey...what gives? Someone's been drinking my mead." Uther grabbed his jar "Me too. What the hell?" They all brought their swords to the ready, someone had obviously been here, the question was, had they left?
Just than they heard a fierce pounding on the back door, "Come out little warriors!" a sibilant voice hissed. "You very much like our magic? Yesss? We have fun using it on you. Come out little warriors...you cannot hide forever." "Gruddamn all magic users!" Elrik spat. "They know no honour! Quickly let us get our vials and gear from the armory and show these serpent dogs a thing or two!" Not forgetting about their possible intruder they made their way carefully upstairs. "What in the nine hells?!" Lander exclaimed. The other warriors made their way beside him and looked on in mute horror. The armory was the shambles, it looked as if a cyclone had hit it. Lander limped over to the crate where they kept their vials, he picked up the broken claymore and from the mix of fluid and broken glass, he bit down hard on his lip, fearing that if he screamed now he might never stop.
As they surveyed the room Elrik made out a figure lying under a pile of armor in the corner. "Well it looks like we found our culprit. I'm sure he'll keep the serpents happy till we can figure out what else to do." They walked over to the corner and started pulling the various pieces of armor off their "guest", and gasped when they saw who it was. "Padre!" Lander exclaimed "how did you come to be here? Are you allright?" Zoss sat up and shook his head to clear the cobwebs "My goodness, what happened here. I can't seem to recall much." "Looks like we had an uninvited guest and you must have surprised him and he managed to knock you cold." Uther said. "Ahh yes...I do vaguely recall a struggle. Yes as a matter of fact it was a dark troll, that's the ticket, yeah." Zoss fibbed. "Lucky bugger managed to clip me a good one I'm afraid. Dreadfully sorry about the mess, chaps." Elrik gave him a toothy grin "That's ok Padre, it's good to see you're allright. However we have more pressing business, we seem to have a bunch of serpent wizard's and magician's outside who are a little miffed at us, and we're out of healing vials."
As if on cue they're came a tremendous crash from downstairs, "Ahhh little warriorssss, there is nowhere left to run. Who shall save you now?" an angry sibilant voice said from below. They all turned to the priest and he was already mumbling prayers to Elok for the spells they would need. A silvery glow came about Zoss hands and then enveloped each of the warriors as he touched them in turn. "That shall help to protect you from the lightning they fling." he said. "Thank you Padre, but as you can see we're all wounded and can't take much more punishment, grant us life your emminence." Uther said. Zoss was already calling upon the power of the mighty Elok once more, and as as he touched them in turn they marveled at how their wounds seemed to knit themselves shut, and the renewed sense of life and vigor that coursed through their blood.
Just than the first wizard's head appeared above the landing and just as quickly it was removed by a hard sweeping chop from the mighty Lander's broadsword. "To glory!" he howled, and lept over the bannister into the heart of the serpents below. Uther followed suit and lept over the bannister into the fray below. Not to be outdone, Elrik yelled "For Elok!" and smashed the bannister to pieces dropping out of sight as well. Zoss shook his head in disbelief, these warrior's were mad, they had to be. He started making his way to the stairs and the battle that raged below, when it came into view he could not believe his eye's. A pile of serpent bodies littered the floor, all dead, every last one. The warriors stood there panting, trying to catch their breath. They were covered head to toe in blood and gore and smiling as if there were no better thing in the world.
Zoss merely shook his head again trying to take the whole of it in. "Incredible" was all he could say. The warrior's saw his expression and started to laugh, "A good battle eh' Father?" Uther said puffing out his chest. "Aye" Lander agreed "it'll be good eating too! Serpent steaks! Yum!" Zoss tried not to wretch at the thought, "Mmm sounds delicious boys, unfortuantely I have to be getting back to the temple, services and all that." Elrik gave the priest a hearty slap on the back "Tis' no trouble for us to bring a serpent steak to the temple for you Padre, no trouble at all." "That's ok, thanks anyway lads. Tell you what, come by the temple and I'll take you all out to the Golden Goblet for some mead, seeing as you're all out."
Zoss picked his way carefully among the sepent parts littering the floor and almost lost his lunch when he stepped on an eyeball andit made a horrible squishing sound. He stepped through the door and waved a farewell to the warriors, "Don't forget to bathe before you come to town or they may not let you in." he called out. "Ahh that priest is a lifesaver" Lander said. "Yes, we would have lost the day without him, tis' true" Uther chimed in. "Too bad about some of gear, guess we'll have to pay the trolls a visit soon. They owe us some money." "Hmmm" Elrik grunted, "I wonder how he knew we were out of mead?" Lander laughed "Try not to think Elrik, next thing we know you'll end up a wimpy mage always looking for answers to things that don't need answering." "Mages?! We don't need no stinkin' mages" Uther spat. He looked fondly at his sword, "A strong drink, a stout wench and some cold steel in your hand is all a true warrior will ever need." Elrik struggled with the thought a second, than laughed "You are right my brothers! I have no desire to be some know-it-all little pansy! I shall never think again, so help me Elok!"
His compatriots roared their approval, and they left their cabin to head to town where they would drink and fight and impress the wenches, regaling them with tales of battles fought and those to come, and of a priest without whom, the day surely would have been lost.
Sir Zoss Chaldea
· The Majic Realm © 1992-2025 ·
· Credits · Privacy · Terms of Use · Contact Us ·
Lemon Drop Games LLC